There is probably a 99% chance that your spouse has verbally attacked you at some point in your relationship. As you stand there looking at them in their rage, the veins popping out of their neck, their face as red as a beet, you can know in your spirit what the driving force is behind them.
Knowing from where the outburst is coming permits you to have compassion on them and keeps you from acting in an un-scriptural manner because we know that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but with principalities, powers, and spiritual wickedness in high places.
How many times have you reacted with a defensive posture and retaliated, quip for quip? I confess to you that I have retaliated many times in just such a fashion. The enemy influenced my thought process and I fell for it. The sooner that we can stop reacting to them, but instead, respond, the quicker and better things will be in our marriage and all other relationships.
Satan uses our values, our needs, and our expectations to create emotions during heated marital (and relational) discussions. When we do not get our own way, he uses those emotions to create dissension among us. If this trend continues and we do not remedy the situation, Satan will have succeeded in, minimum, putting another relationship at odds and quite possibly on the rocks. His ultimate goal, however, is separation and divorce. Are we going to let Satan manipulate us? It is imperative that we know who the enemy is.
However, during those discussions, there are rules of engagement. Here are some rules that you can use but are not all necessarily inclusive.
1. Discuss and define the problem, but work on the solution. Before starting the discussion wait for the heat of the moment to pass.
2. Do not at any time; attack your spouse’s character or integrity. Do not personalize the attack. Instead, attack the problem.
3. Unless you have a good memory, you might take some notes when it is your turn to speak. An old counselor's trick is to use an inanimate object (it matters not what it is) for your discussions and whom ever is holding it is the only one allowed to talk.
4. Watch your pronouns. The quickest way to build an immediate wall is to use “you” statements. When you use “you” statements people’s receiving mechanism will shut down. It is a wall that you can physically see manifest right before your eyes. They will go into a defensive mode and any constructive conversation, for all intent and purposes, will be over.
5. Try not to spend more than twenty minutes discussing a hot button issue. Agree to disagree and go have a sundae. . .together.
6. Lastly, but by no means lesser in value, if you are angry, don’t sin by nursing a grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry – get over it quickly; for when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the enemy.
Again, don’t go to bed angry at each other. Men, this is where we need to step up to the plate. As the spiritual leader of the home sometimes we just need to bite the bullet and acquiesce. God calls us to peace. The bottom line is. . .know who the enemy is.
If there are problems in your marriage, I can guarantee you that the Lord was not at the center of that relationship or at least during those times of unrest and trouble. Therefore, with all due respect, before we start playing the blame game with God or with each other for our problems, we need to ask ourselves some very important questions. I wonder how many Christian’s homes are in trouble today because they have answered “no” to any of the following questions:
1. Are you praying for each other daily?
2. Are you praying together, daily?
3. Do you go to a local church and worship God, together?
4. Do you read God’s Word together, daily?
5. Have you made it a daily practice to participate in a devotional reading, together?
6. Is the day started and finished with Jesus Christ alone, and when possible, together. Because of jobs, this is the hard one.
The operative word in this list is “together.” There is something very edifying about hearing someone you love, lifting your name up to the Lord. Remember that a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ec 4:12).
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Next week: In Christ. No less than 64 times does the New Testament mention the phrase, “In Christ.” What does it mean to be “In Christ?” I’ll touch on this subject next week. The limited space on this blog hinders me from a thorough and complete study of what it means to be, "In Christ." This posting is not an all inclusive study. However, I'll give you plenty of Scriptures to start you out and take off on the study of "In Christ" yourself. Have fun and be blessed by God and His Word.
God bless you all and we’ll see you next Monday.
Thanks for stopping by,
Your Host: James Warren
Christian Author
http://www.jameslindquist.net
Check my archive or my Web page for explanation of my names.
http://www.jameslindquist.net/htmfiles/biograph.htm
2 comments:
This either sounds familiar or you have some of the idea;s I have heard before. Great blog, not so easy to follow, at times, but worth incorporating into everyday life and relationships.
Pride is a hard thing to overcome or admit and I am as guilty as they next.
Leave it to satan to be the one to have begun this one to be a wedge between God's most cherished established people, married couples.
Jim, it's remarkable how similar our experiences have been. Your first paragraph cinched it. My first book is all about the real enemy in many marriages today, the one you've referred to.
This post is a short and sweet, excellent marriage counseling tool.
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