It Takes More Than Love

Nineteen years ago, the wife and I sat in a pastor’s office enumerating our woes as wounded partners in an injured marriage of twenty-three years. As we poured out our hearts to him, he patiently sat there listening to every word. I told him that I loved my wife but I was beginning to doubt her love for me and that we were beginning to drift apart.

After I’d finished, he reached into his back pocket and retrieved his wallet. He opened it up, thumbed through a couple denominations, and finally withdrew a twenty-dollar bill. He turned to us and said, “Let me tell you a story about a twenty-dollar bill.”

He laid the twenty on his desk and said, “Just for a moment, imagine that this twenty-dollar bill represents the love that you and your wife have for each other.” He reached across the table, picked up a small stack of papers, and continued, “. . .and let’s further suppose that this stack of papers depicts the differences, the arguments, and all the garbage that you’ve gone through in your married life.”

He methodically began placing the papers, one at a time, on top of the twenty-dollar bill naming each one: “Here’s a little dissension. . .here’s some jealousy; how about some anger; there’s some impatience; oops, there’s some unkindness.” He continued stacking them, “. . .lack of self-control. . .disharmony. . .stonewalling. . .bad attitude. . .oo-o-o and here’s a bad tongue and some nit-pick.” He wasn’t done yet. “Here’s some control. . .lording. . .lack of gentleness and sensitivity.” The man was a prophet.

By the time he was done he had close to two-dozen papers on top of that bill. “This seems like a lot,” he said, “. . .and. . .it is. . .but over time you can see how all the garbage tends to stockpile and cover love up, one sheet at a time until. . .” he held out his opened hand toward the invisible twenty-dollar bill, “. . .until you wonder, where is the love at? This is where you’re at right now,” he said, “As you affirmed at the beginning of the session when you said that you still loved one another but doubted the others reciprocity.”

In subsequent sessions we learned how to work through the “stuff” that covered our love. Our starting assignment before the next session was to do something nice for the other. We were to share this in the next session along with how it made us feel.

After three days, I knew what I was going to do. I went to a retail store and bought the prettiest silver picture frame I could find and placed a twenty-dollar bill in the center of the glass, wrapped it, and presented it to her over a dinner at Sharis, our favorite restaurant. She loved it. . .and I loved giving it. Hopefully, we were on our way to recovery because the love. . .“was still there.”

It is amazing what a simple act of kindness will do to the complexion and perpetuation of a relationship. . .or marriage. There is hope for us all but things get quite a bit more complicated when we leave God out of the equation. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says:

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Christ should be the backbone of the relationship and marriage. Otherwise, we give a foothold to the enemy and his minions. Many times it takes more than love.

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Next week: Christian Twelve-Step Program If there are problems in a marriage, I can guarantee you that the Lord was not at the center of that relationship. Therefore, before we start pointing fingers at each other, we need to ask ourselves six important questions. However, when we do talk, there are definitely some rules of engagement. I give six of them. This blog will be short, sweet, and to the point.

God bless you all and we’ll see you next Monday.

Thanks for stopping by,

Your Host: James Warren
Christian Author
http://www.jameslindquist.net

Check March archive or my Web page for explanation of my names.
http://www.jameslindquist.net/htmfiles/biograph.htm